The first time I was pregnant, things didn't end well. At 11 weeks I had some spotting. We still hadn't heard a heartbeat by that point and when we went in to listen for one, there wasn't one to be found. An ultrasound followed, done by a lovely midwife at her home with an older machine. The results were there, but not confirmable. So two days of unanticipated anxiety came and went before being able to have another ultrasound to confirm. It was an internal ultrasound at that point. If you have never had one, let me just say that they are not very comfortable things to have. At that point what we dreaded was our reality. There was no baby. I had what was known as a blighted ovum, essentially an "empty sack"... and so now I was waiting again... Waiting to miscarry instead of waiting to hear my baby's heartbeat. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Hardly anyone knew we were expecting so I guess it was easy to not have to share the sad news with the world. But looking back, I really wish that more people had known. My support group was essentially non-existent through my miscarriage. It was one of the most challenging experiences of my adult life.
Fast forward to my second pregnancy.... Inspired by my sister-in-law, I had decided to embark on a personal project that chronicled the growth of my baby. I wanted to have a positive pregnancy. I wanted to have positive experiences and wanted to heal from the trial of my miscarriage. And so I started documenting the growth of my baby in relation to fruits and vegetables. This was fun and exciting, but also proved to be a challenge. It was not easy taking photos every single week for 40 weeks. I am so very glad that I did it though. I have such beautiful documentation of my pregnancy and love that I have images to share with my son about his journey to our family.
And now... I have another announcement. We are expecting again. Conceiving this time around was no small task. It has been an emotional journey for sure. Months and months of trying just to fail again and again. But finally, we have crossed into the 12th week of my third pregnancy and baby is doing well. Some may wonder why I have waited till now to make any type of formal announcement, especially because of my first pregnancy experience. The truth is that I have shared the news personally and individually with many. I have definitely not been as alone with this pregnancy as I was with my first. I have been loved and cared for by my community, my neighbors, my family and friends. This pregnancy has been full of sickness, exhaustion, and more sickness. I have been forced to rest, to take it easy and to relax. Dinners have been provided and support given. I am so very grateful. And through it all I have begun to embark on another journey of documentation.
Will there be another series of photos similar to my last pregnancy? Yes there will be. The approach I have taken for this pregnancy is different though. Any woman who is at the stage of life where she is striving to conceive is on a journey to become a mother. BECOMING is what this series of photos will be all about. I want to share with you the emotional journey of becoming a mother again. I hope you will be patient with me as I share images that are real and raw and sensitive.
I want to dedicate all of these images to every woman out there, the mothers in us all.